Ron Malone: Mall Cop
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: Inspired by Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Ron's new trainee turns to be more than he bargained for when he and his little syndicate take over the Gallaria Mall. R


_Ron Malone: Mall Cop _

_Synopsis: After seeing Paul Blart: Mall Cop I couldn't help but picture Ron in the same position as Paul in the movie. The story itself is similar to the movie in some ways but different in others. _

"_Safety never takes a holiday."--Paul Blart _

_Chapter 1--Meeting a New Trainee _

_Ron was a veteran at what he did and considered it a delight to work with someone younger who wanted to learn the 'ropes' of being a security guard. Only recently had the Galleria mall started using Segues as means of transport for the guards. Ron's use of a Segue could only be described as poetry in motion. If there had ever been a competition for 'dancing' using that machine, he would've one first prize easily. Even though he was 'older' (and Ron considered age a mere number, inwardly, he was as fit as a fiddle and healthier than a horse), he could outrun anyone and stop even elderly people from disobeying his precious rules. Vance Wood thought that everything he was learning was pointless. Little did Ron know that this was all an elaborate set up by him as well as other 'employees' working in the mall around the holiday season. He was about to set up the mall for the biggest heist ever. He and his crew would have enough money to take a vacation in the Cayman Islands when all was said and done, but for the time being, he kept Ron in the dark. _

_Van was cocky. He even made passes at Ron's gorgeous wife, Yvonne, who still worked as a fashion rep in Macy's. She had been promoted to HR rep as well as CEO. It seemed that her personality had gotten her far in life. The two of them were often visited by Nathan and Victoria, their fraternal twins, to stop by and say 'hi', every so often. Nathan had a girlfriend with him. Her name was Peggy and the two had been dating exclusively since last year. She was his first serious girlfriend. Nathan didn't mean to be, but he had quite a way with the ladies and women couldn't leave him alone. But Peggy wasn't one of those users like many of his past girlfriends. It seemed that she was a definite keeper. Victoria had someone special named Robert, but they were just friends at this point. She wasn't quite ready for dating like her brother, but mom and dad weren't rushing her in that aspect. _

_Ron would often get on Van's case, telling him to stay focused. He would often reprimand him if he even __caught_ Van looking at Yvonne funny. 

"Listen, Mister. That is my _wife_ you are ogling. The next time I catch you gawking at her, trust me, things will not be pretty.", Ron threatened. Van knew that Ron could get fired if he did anything physical to deter him, but Van couldn't help himself. Ron was a rather handsome man, for his age, but his wife was smoking hot. She kept herself in peak shape and made magazine models look pathetic in comparison. At least when he took her hostage, he mused, he could have her at a disadvantage. Maybe if he was lucky, he could steal a steamy kiss from her. Thinking of it made him nearly drool. 

"WOOD ! Are you listening to me ?", Ron barked, snapping at Van fiercely, forcing him to face reality. The rookie quivered momentarily but gained his bearings. 

"Yes, SIR !", he answered, militarily, as if a drill sergeant had been grilling him to drop and give him 50 push-ups. 

"GOOD ! Now, you know the rules. I expect you to follow them. And again, no goo-goo eyes at my precious rose. Got it ?", Ron said, his eyes piercing into the depth of Vance's soul. 

"Yes, I've established that quite clearly in the back of my mind, Sir !", Vance stated, saluting. Ron clapped the youngster on the shoulder and wheeled away in his Segue, catching up to an elderly man who was driving recklessly. Vance rolled his eyes and couldn't _wait_ to start planning for tomorrow night's heist. It would be 'the big one' that would set him for life. 

"Sir ! Sir, slow down please !", Ron said, catching up to the elderly man in the electric cart that was weaving in and out of pedestrian traffic and forcing them out of the way simply by being pushy. The elderly man didn't pay any attention to Ron's warnings. 

"I'm warning you, Sir. Please, pull over. You're causing a safety hazard.", Ron said, as he stopped to catch up to the unruly gentleman. The gray-haired man had slowed down considerably, coming to a full stop. 

"You do realize that you were being inconsiderate to the other customers, do you not ?", Ron began after he had read off all the elderly man's 'offenses'. The man looked annoyed as Ron began to give him a warning for his unruly conduct. 

"Wait…Wait ! Sir ! SIR !", Ron said as the man began to putter away on his scooter, dragging Ron along with him. The old man was able to ditch Ron and Ron picked himself up and dusted himself off. 

"You're a curmudgeon, Sir !", Ron said as he shook his fist as the man rolled away. Soon, he turned to his trainee and said rather blithely, 

"Don't worry, Van. This sort of thing happens all the time, and usually I can handle it, but that one was a slippery eel." He vowed in his mind that if he ever met that old man again he'd get him to comply with 'his rules' of the mall, somehow. 

Chapter 2--Scuffle At Victoria's Secret 

From the beginning of the day with the incident with the 'high rolling' elder, Ron's day seemed to get worse. He had been told of a fight between two women at the Victoria's secret and he was meant to be the mediator between the two women who had been arguing over who should get the bra. 

"It's the last one in my size ! I need to have it, because I have a _date_ tonight !", the first customer said, angrily. 

"Is your date blind ?", the cashier retorted, saucily, causing her to accidentally knock over the customer's iced mocha onto the customer's feet and into the carpet. 

"That's gonna take a while to clean up. Coffee stains r' a real bear.", he said to the other woman, who was still a bit hot under the collar about not getting the bra she wanted. 

"I heard before that clearly there would be more coming in tomorrow. Why don't you let the nice woman in front of you have that bra ?", Ron said, trying to be understanding about the situation. The other woman was a bit large and took it as a personal affront. 

"So you're saying that skinny bimbo in front of me gets what she wants because I'm not 'nice' enough ?", the obese woman asked, arms akimbo and angry enough to burst. 

"N-No, ma'am…that's not at all…", Ron stammered. 

"Ma'am ? Oh…now you've done it. Hold these.", she said, handing Ron her clip-on earrings and punching him square in the jaw. Vance, watching from a distance couldn't help but chuckle a bit seeing Ron get his butt handed to him by a woman half his size. Not to mention, she could've been pro-wrestling material the way she was throwing her punches and pinning him to the ground. As soon as she had made her case, she left, pulled her blouse down, straightening it and harrumphed, giving the other customer a raspberry. 

"Hope it keeps those ladies of yours perky, sweetie !", she said, sarcastically. Ron, bruised, walked out with hurt pride but his morale was still in tact. It was his creed never to hit a woman, but next time he needed to avoid saying the wrong things around them. 

Chapter 3--Have This, It'll Help You Feel Better 

Yvonne felt so bad about what Ron had been through. 

"I can't imagine anyone ever wanting to hit you.", she said, giving him an ice pack for his black eye. She leant in to kiss him gently on the lips, which helped take away the pain he had been feeling. "I know something that'll help you feel better. A contest, man to man !", came a familiar voice from the side of the bar. 

"If it isn't Jonsey and his friends. A contest you say ? You are _on_ !", Ron said, clenching his fist in a sort of pre-victory salute. Yvonne tried to stop him from doing something he would regret but Ron wouldn't be swayed. 

"The two of us, watched by none other than my main man, Jude here, will be seeing who can eat this plate of nachos in the least amount of time.", Jonsey said, not stating anything about the content of their spiciness. 

"I'm game. Let's dance.", Ron said, as he sat down to 'prove his masculinity' to all in the room. Yvonne, shielding her eyes, was too embarrassed to watch as he took one bite and started drinking what he thought was lemonade. 

"Ronald honey, you just drank that whole margarita pitcher.", Yvonne said, shocked. Ron had never touched liquor, not even a _beer_. 

"No wonder I feel funny.", Ron said as he suddenly passed out and was caught by Yvonne. Yvonne gave Jonsey a very stern 'how dare you' look as she took Ron out of the restaurant. 

When Ron woke up, he had a terrible hangover. Yvonne had been sitting at his side by the couch, watching him the whole time. Their kids had been taking turns watching him as well, seeing if he needed anything throughout the night, but he had slept the whole time, dead to the world. 

"Have this, it'll help you feel better.", Yvonne said as she gave him some headache medicine and a drink of water. Ron's head felt as if a miner was splitting it in two. He grasped his temples and clenched his teeth. 

"Warn me the next time I drink from an unusual pitcher.", he said. 

"Duly noted, Ronny.", Yvonne said, kissing him, which was all the apology either of them needed, or wanted. 

Chapter 4--Let the Show Begin 

Vance had all the pieces set in place for his posse to start taking over the mall. Ron and Yvonne were working late as usual to close the shops, and the typical gang, Jonsey, Nikki, Jen, Jude, Wyatt, Caitlyn and Starr had been lounging around late in the day. Before Ron could politely escort them out of the store he was pushed out of the way by a stampede of frantic customers yelling after shots had been fired. 

"I control the show, I run the shots ! Everyone listen to me, and no one will get hurt !", Vance shouted at the top of his lungs. He was serious about making sure his plan would come to fruition. Ron had been shoved too far out of the way to be of any assistance, but then he remembered…

"What am I trained to do ? Nothing." He lowered his head as he found himself on the cold, unforgiving marble floor. His past flashed in front of his eyes. He had nearly gotten himself enrolled in the Force. If it hadn't had been for his bad leg, he would've been inducted _easily_. Grumbling, he watched helplessly as Vance took his wife, children and friends from him into a different room and called for back-up. But after he had done that, he realized back-up wasn't going to arrive quickly enough. If he wanted to do something right, he'd have to do it himself. Vance had now crossed the line and made this heist very, _very _personal. 

"If he thinks he has the upper hand now…he doesn't know Ronald Emerson Malone.", Ron thought to himself as he began to search the mall for 'weapons' he would use in fighting against these criminals. Hopefully what he had learned in the academy would be useful to him now, because it was his only means of getting everyone out of this situation unscathed. 

Chapter 5--One By One, 'Santa's Reindeer' Go Down

Vance had given his posse holiday-themed names to fit in with the 'festive' mood of the heist. He was the lead 'reindeer', so his name was Rudolph. All his other posse was infiltrating the mall, using the invisible ink codes that he had given them to unlock the bank registers in every block of the mall in each store. The mad genius had it down to an intricate system. Ron had to hand it to him. It was good, but not good enough. His first targets had caught onto him and chased him into a clothing store. Fortunately he had pulled himself up into a vent, but his growling stomach had given him away. 

"I knew I should've eaten something before closing today.", he thought to himself. His hunger pangs would have to wait because another thief was trying to stab him with a pole and was close to poking one of his eyes out. Unfortunately, his sidekick wasn't too far behind and she found herself in the wrong place at the wrong time. The vent was too rickety to hold Ron in place and he found himself coming down by the aide of gravity. The other thief had been knocked out by dumbly standing around, getting hit by the vent itself. With an ultraviolet light he had snagged from his wild dance party at the bar, he saw the code written on the lady's arm, and then her partner's. He had his cell phone at his hip and entered the codes. He also texted Yvonne to see if she was alright. Vance hadn't noticed she had a cell phone yet, and so far she had kept it a secret. She did tell him she and the kids were alright, but things were about to get worse for Ron when Vance discovered Victoria and Nathan were his children. 

So far the mall cops on the outside were impressed. SWAT however, was not. The leader of SWAT, Squad Leader Evan Pirelli had been the bully that had picked on Ron for having been one of the few 'older' members of the academy even though Ron outperformed him in _every test_. "Malone huh ? Let me have a word with him.", after he heard Ron's friend Lyle Stewart congratulating him on his success so far. 

"Hey, Malone ! Remember me ?", the egotistical, narcissistic 35-something stated over walkie-talkie. 

"Oh yeah. You're the jerk who kept trying to trip me during runs on the obstacle course. You're a real peach, kid.", Ron answered. 

"Look, let us handle it from here on out. You're much too old to be concerning yourself with such matters.", Evan sneered, nearly grumbling. 

"I'm sorry, Pirelli, but all I heard was 'out' and 'matters'. I think the line's breaking up.", Ron said as he switched his walkie-talkie off and switched to his cell phone to start talking to his best friend, Lyle again. 

"Right now I have no method of getting to the hostages, but I will think of something, I guarantee that.", Ron vowed to Lyle. Strangely, Lyle had a feeling that Ron knew what he was doing and trusted that he'd find a method of getting everyone out in once piece. 

Chapter 6--Fighting Dirty 

Not long after Ron had taken care of all of Rudolph's little 'reindeer' had he found himself facing off against Vance himself. Vance had grown impatient and decided now was the perfect time to hold Yvonne at gunpoint. Luckily, Ron had picked up a bottle of _Satan's Loins_ hot sauce as he had been fighting his tactical assault against Vance's posse. Quickly, he flicked the hot sauce into Vance's eyes and while he was blinded, wailing in pain, he escorted the hostages out of the mall. He thought he had everything under control until Evan revealed he had a stake in Vance's plan as well. Evan had given him the codeword, "Yuletide" to bring this scheme to a close. Thinking that Evan was trustworthy, Vance pushed Yvonne, Nathan and Victoria out of the mall after scuffling with Ron and knocking him out for a while. 

Evan then had the tables turned on Vance, which had not been a part of his initial plot in the heist after all this time. All this time, Vance thought Evan had been trying to help him, but he was the true mastermind behind the plot. Evan easily took over the situation and held up of the mall cop team with a semi-automatic, easily throwing Vance into the car and taking Yvonne and the kids with him. Yvonne and the kids all fought bravely, but in the end, he had knocked them out cold and sped away with him. Ron was too late to save them but knew of Evan's ingenious scam after putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. 

"I know where that jerk is headed. He's off to the airport to make his final mistake and my wife's cell phone is the ticket to paradise.", he said. Ron now felt idiotic that he had sent the codes the thieves had written on their arms to his wife's cell. But there was no time to think of that now. 

"Guys, I have to stop him ! If you want to come along, do so now or forever hold your peace !", Ron stated, urgently. The police stood back, but Lyle followed as he took the initiative and 'borrowed' one of the officer's cars. 

"Don't worry, I'll return it.", he said as he sped away to catch up to Evan. 

The two were caught up in a high speed chase and Ron had a brilliant plan. 

"Switch places with me !", Ron said, thinking quickly. Lyle had no qualms of driving for Ron, but once he had seen him climb on top of the police car, he thought that Ron officially had lost his mind. 

"Now Malone has lost it. He's gone crackers !", Lyle stated aloud, breathlessly as he saw how easily Ron could climb the car to try to make a leap for the SWAT van. Sadly, though, Ron missed the jump and fell into a ditch. Lyle took a stop and put the car in park while it was still running.

"You ok, Malone ?", he asked, seeing that Ron was a bit dirty, but unshaken. 

"Shaken. But not stirred.", Ron answered, wittily. Lyle chuckled. 

"It's not much further to go. I'm certain you can make it on foot from here.", Lyle said, pointing ahead to the terminal. 

Chapter 7--Hero of the Hour 

Without much trouble Evan hoisted Yvonne over one shoulder and Victoria over the other, and dragged Nathan with him to the plane. 

"Don't move one more step !", Ron said, catching up with them. He still hadn't even broken a sweat and wasn't even panting. 

"I'm surprised you caught up with me, old geezer !", Evan chortled spitefully, showing his loathe and disrespect of him. 

"You need to watch your mouth, sonny. And get your paws off my wife, daughter and son !", Ron said as he cornered the security guard and pointed his semi-automatic at his head. 

"I'd watch your tone if I were you.", Evan said before a shot went off, knocking the semi automatic out of Evan's hand. The gun was held by none other than Lyle himself. Slowly, the Malones awoke from their slumbers and the children took their places by Lyle. As for Yvonne, she decked Evan. 

"That's for kidnapping the Malones, imbecile !", she stated, as she walked away and the police took care of cuffing him and escorting him into their squad car before taking him 'downtown'. 

"I really have to hand it to you, Malone. I thought your goose was cooked, but you kept your cool. I am impressed.", Lyle said. One of the chief of police officers was also astonished at how well he had done. True, he had destroyed some of the mall by setting up his own explosives using portable oxygen, but it had stopped the thieves cold. 

The repairs to the mall would be easily finished in a few days, but the Force was forever grateful to Ron's heroic actions. 

"There's always a spot on the force if you want it, Malone.", the chief said, ready, willing and able to extend the invitation for Ron to join without asking any questions. His family joined him in a group hug, his wife kissing him passionately for a moment. 

"I appreciate the offer, but there are those I wish to serve and protect in the Gallaria Mall.", Ron said as he hugged his family close to him. With that, the four of them headed off into the sunset and returned to life as usual at the end of the evening. 

Epilogue 

The repairs to the exploded Rainforest Cove had been made in less time than everyone had originally thought. Caitlyn, Starr, Jonsey, Wyatt, Nikki and Jen had all met there for its official reopening. Ron was being celebrated there as a hero. It was Christmas day, and everyone was not only eating, drinking and making merry, but exchanging gifts. As usual, Ron was their secret Santa.

"I just want to let you know what you did was unbelievably cool. I was shaking in that scenario. Any minute I thought I was going to start freaking out, but you, man…you had it all together.", Jonsey said, in respect and reverence. Ron wrapped his arm around the adolescent.

"You're all my friends. I did what was right.", he said, patting him on the back compassionately before the rest of the entourage joined Jonsey to praise him. Ron didn't let the praise go to his head. He simply sat back and enjoyed the Christmas celebration and secretly thanked his lucky stars that he had been blessed with the greatest gift of all: Family and friends who cared for him and a mall that needed protecting.

The End


End file.
